I feel this truth in my bones. I am the one in my family planning all the tasks and asking for all the help — the latter of which doesn’t always happen.

I’m not alone. With a new year before us, however, it’s time to address the imbalance and redefine roles for a more harmonious home.

Why family chore solutions can be tricky

A Yelp study reveals that 80% of those living with a partner have disagreements about housework, with one-fifth of that number saying these arguments happen often. Disputes can range from the classic division of labor talk to a more nuanced discussion around feelings of resentment from an overworked spouse.

Supatra Tovar, PSY.D, RD., explains that disagreements regarding chores between partners happen for several reasons. “There’s frequently a lack of clarity about expectations,” Tovar says. “When roles aren’t clearly defined, it’s easy for family members to feel that some are taking on more than their fair share.” Add to these differing perceptions of what constitutes a “job well done,” and Tovar says this can all lead to frustration and disappointment when dividing up chores.

When frustration surrounding the unbalanced division of household labor is unpacked, you might notice discussions between you and your partner derailing (not that I know anything about this!), but there’s a real reason conversations become convoluted.

This tricky terrain inspired Eve Rodsky to create what she calls the Fair Play Method, a system that helps partners craft a more collaborative and equitable partnership. The L.A.-based author of “Fair Play: A Game Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)” says that even discussing the distribution of household labor can be challenging and painful due to generational and societal expectations.

But clinging to past ideologies that no longer serve or support our modern household can be a block to change. “A shift in the system is what needs to occur,” Rodsky says. In some instances, this can feel impossible because trust and accountability between partners has shriveled to the size of the forgotten crumbs living on your kitchen counter, but Rodsky emphasizes we can all be a game changer in our relationships.

Advice from a Fair Play expert

One way to become a catalyst for reaching more balanced chore solutions is to start with what Rodsky describes as a “secret formula.” Scientific research supports the success of the Fair Play Method with 61% of participants engaging in at least some of it seeing an increase in overall egalitarianism at home (56% cognitive labor; 54% instrumental labor). Rodsky explains this as a system that sets up explicitly defined expectations using 50 years of organizational management research to realign the expectations in your home.

“My recommendation is to start where you are with one of these three things: boundaries, systems and/or communication,” she says. Each of these key words sets in motion an approach for change in your household. Start with the one that resonates with you.

• Boundaries: Psychology Today defines a boundary as: “Knowing what one wants and expects from the people in their life, and what they’ll accept from them.” So, first, research what boundaries mean to you and what supports you most in redefining your chore chart. One example is to set firm boundaries around your time and believe in its value. This way, you don’t feel responsible for doing all of the things all of the time.

• Systems: If you have a partner who is ready to pitch in, but isn’t sure how to show up, resetting your system can help. Rodsky explains that there are three steps to every unpaid labor task: conception, planning and execution. In most cases when you have a partner who’s in it with you, they’re an execution partner. This means they go to the store to buy groceries but aren’t part of the process of thinking about what was needed. “The key to the system of Fair Play is that standards and accountability goes up when someone has ownership. The goal isn’t 50/50, but owning each task from start to finish,” she says. Moving your partner in the system to an “ownership partner” is life changing.

• Communication: If you can’t even imagine bringing up this topic to your partner, then start your repair here. “When people realize we’re talking about a communication shift here, then people are able to come to the table,” Rodsky says. Shifting to an “emotion is low and cognition is high” style can help you reboot and re-enter this conversation. And typically (and surprisingly) beginning conversations about the great chore divide on occasions like birthdays or Valentine’s Day are times when partners are more receptive to talking about chores. “How can we make our lives more efficient?” is one way to open the discussion.

Establishing healthy chore habits is an investment and can take time, but as you and your partner move to a more comfortable space, this modeling can positively impact your whole family.

Benefits of chores for kids

Learning how to divide up household chores is beneficial for everyone in your home, and the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry reports that kids who get their chores done are more likely to have higher self-esteem and be better equipped to deal with frustration. “Ownership should be everywhere in the home, and 100 percent kids can own chores as young as three,” Rodsky says.

Plus, when you realize these are not just chores, but memories you and your family are creating, everything changes. “It’s more than who does what in the home. This is about how we set our memories for our children…this feels much more profound,” Rodsky says.

Parenting advice for chores

Families can make chores more manageable by turning them into shared activities. “Resistance from children often stems from how chores are presented,” Tovar says. So, she advises explaining to your child why their help is valuable and then giving them some autonomy by allowing them to choose tasks from a list of age-appropriate options. This gives kids a sense of control.

Another way to make chores more enjoyable is to rotate roles weekly to prevent burnout and ensure fairness. “Gamifying chores — such as setting a timer and seeing how quickly a task can be completed — can also build motivation and make the experience fun,” Tovar says.

Involving everyone strengthens bonds and gives each family member a sense of shared purpose.

Advice from a mom regarding household chores

In my home, my spouse is ready to jump in when prompted, and even though my 11-year-old son would rather play Minecraft then empty the dishwasher, he’ll help when asked.

The thing is, I rarely ask. And over time, I feel overloaded with all the tasks I must complete to keep our home running smoothly. So, my advice to myself is to focus on moving my partner into a place of ownership and explaining to my kid why his help is valuable. After our talk, I’ll have him pick chores that are his speed.

As Rodsky validates: When you’re intentional about the great divide of household chores, you get more time for self-care, more marital satisfaction and even time for a hobby (Um…what’s a hobby again?). I’m confident this plan will create more connection and a feeling of teamwork in our family because, as Tovar says, “One key benefit of working together is the sense of connection it fosters.”

Tonilyn Hornung is an author and freelance writer who lives with her husband, son and many furry friends.