Rosie Aiello on Trauma, Courage, and the Power of Kind Love
Leaving an abusive relationship is not a moment.
It is a process that unfolds through fear, courage, grief, and ultimately, reclamation.
In this powerful first-half conversation on the ANEW Insight Podcast, Dr. Supatra Tovar sits down with Rosie Aiello, women’s life and transformation coach, international speaker, and bestselling author, to explore what it truly takes to escape long-term abuse and rebuild a life rooted in safety, dignity, and kind love.
Rosie’s story spans continents, decades, and layers of psychological, emotional, financial, and physical control. What emerges is not just survival, but clarity and hope for women who may still be questioning their reality.
Who Is Rosie Aiello?
Rosie Aiello is a women’s life and transformation coach, international speaker, and bestselling author. After escaping a 25-year abusive marriage in the Middle East, Rosie rebuilt her life from trauma to triumph.
Today, she empowers women to reclaim their voice, confidence, and joy while redefining love as safe, respectful, and kind. She is the co-founder of National Love Is Kind Day, created alongside her daughter, and donates 10% of her business profits to organizations supporting survivors of domestic violence.
“It Took Me 18 Years to Know I Was Being Abused”
One of the most striking moments in this conversation is Rosie’s honesty about how long it took to name her experience.
She explains that she lived for nearly two decades without realizing she was in an abusive relationship. The turning point came when she discovered The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, a book she describes as “saving her life.”
Like many survivors, Rosie internalized blame, confusion, and self-doubt. Gaslighting made her question her own reality, and isolation overseas stripped away support systems that might have validated her experience sooner.
The Hidden Layers of Abuse
Rosie’s experience highlights an essential truth: abuse is rarely just one thing.
She describes enduring:
- Verbal abuse, including hours-long lectures meant to break her down
- Emotional manipulation and gaslighting, which distorted her sense of reality
- Financial abuse, where money was controlled, withheld, and used as leverage
- Sexual coercion and intimidation
- Physical abuse, even when minimized or rationalized at the time
She openly names how survivors often excuse harm by saying things like “he never hit me,” revealing how normalized minimization becomes in abusive dynamics.
The Impact on Children Who Witness Abuse
A pivotal moment in Rosie’s story centers on her daughter.
Years after Rosie tried to normalize the behavior for the sake of “family unity,” her daughter confronted her directly and said:
“You have to get me away from my abusive father.”
That moment shattered the illusion that staying was protecting her child. It became the catalyst for an international escape that required months of secret planning, extreme vigilance, and immense emotional strength.
Shame: The Silent Prison
One of the most devastating themes Rosie names is shame.
For 25 years, only five people knew about the abuse. Shame kept her silent, isolated, and emotionally trapped. She describes it as nearly fatal, eroding her identity and sense of worth over time.
This experience reflects a pattern seen in many survivors, where societal expectations, religious beliefs, and cultural conditioning reinforce endurance over safety.
The Cycle of Abuse: Why the “Good Times” Keep You Stuck
Dr. Tovar and Rosie explore the classic cycle of abuse, including the honeymoon phase that keeps survivors emotionally tethered.
Rosie offers a powerful visual metaphor: when the “good” and “bad” parts of an abuser are intertwined, you cannot separate them. The harm does not disappear simply because kindness appears intermittently.
This insight helps explain why leaving is so difficult, even when the abuse is severe.
When Intuition Is Silenced
When asked about intuition, Rosie gives an answer that resonates deeply.
She explains that her inner voice was almost nonexistent for years. Chronic abuse silenced her instincts, while fear and survival mode took over. Even early warning signs before marriage were ignored because she did not yet have the language or tools to trust herself.
What remained was a single thin thread of truth repeating quietly:
“You don’t deserve this.”
The Mantra That Helped Her Escape
During the months she secretly planned her escape, Rosie repeated one sentence relentlessly:
“I don’t have to be a martyr.”
That mantra became a lifeline. It countered guilt, religious conditioning, and societal narratives that glorify endurance at the cost of self-destruction.
Mantras, as Dr. Tovar notes, are not just affirmations. They help regulate the nervous system and rewire deeply ingrained beliefs formed under trauma.
Healing After Abuse: You Cannot Do This Alone
Once safely back in the United States, Rosie and her daughter sought trauma-informed therapy immediately.
She emphasizes a critical truth for survivors:
Healing does not happen in isolation.
Professional support, safety, and therapeutic connection were foundational. Rosie also explored additional modalities, read extensively, and remained open to approaches that supported self-understanding and recovery.
National Love Is Kind Day: Reclaiming the Meaning of Love
Rosie and her daughter co-founded National Love Is Kind Day, observed annually on July 27, the date they landed in the United States and regained their physical freedom.
The mission is clear:
to help women and children understand that love must be safe, respectful, and kind.
Rather than centering the movement around what survivors are escaping, Rosie intentionally focused on what they are moving toward.
What Is “Kind Love”?
Kind Love is not passive.
It is not people-pleasing.
It is not silence.
Kind Love is grounded in:
- Mutual respect
- Compassion and empathy
- Healthy dialogue
- Shared power
- Emotional safety
For survivors, the word “love” can become triggering. Kind Love reframes connection without manipulation, fear, or control.
Rebuilding Confidence After Abuse
Rosie is clear: confidence is rebuilt through intentional work, not time alone.
She describes learning entirely new concepts such as authenticity, responsibility, boundaries, and values. One of the most important distinctions she makes is this:
You are not responsible for being abused.
You are responsible for how you move forward.
Identifying personal values became the foundation for boundary-setting, self-trust, and sustainable healing.
A Message for Anyone Still in an Abusive Relationship
This conversation ends with a reminder that cannot be overstated:
- Abuse thrives in silence
- Help exists
- You are not broken
- You are worthy because you exist
If this story resonates with you, know that reaching out is not weakness. It is the first act of reclaiming your life.
🎧 Continue the Conversation
This is Part One of Dr. Supatra Tovar’s interview with Rosie Aiello.
Part Two dives deeper into healing, boundaries, relationships, and rebuilding trust after trauma.
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Here is the Transcript:
[00:00:00]
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Hello and welcome. I am very honored to have women’s life and transformation coach, international speaker and bestselling author Rosie Aiello with us today. Rosie, welcome.
Rosie Aiello: Oh, I’m so glad to be with you today and everyone who’s gonna be listening.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes, I am very honored to have you here because your story is inspiring, and I think a lot of people are gonna be able to relate with this and learn something from you today. So before we get started, I’m gonna read a little bit about Rosie, and then I will pop right into the questions.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Rosie Aiello is a women’s life and transformation coach, international speaker and bestselling author. After escaping a 25 year abusive relationship in the Middle East, she rebuilt her life from trauma to triumph. [00:01:00] Today, Rosie empowers women to reclaim their voice, confidence, and joy while discovering the power of kind
Dr. Supatra Tovar: love. She co-founded National Love is Kind Day with her daughter Sonny Dedicating her global mission to inspiring over 100 million women and children to know they deserve. Safe, kind, love. A
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Passionate advocate, Rosie donates 10% of her business profits to support survivors of domestic violence. When she’s not coaching, she enjoys barre, indoor cycling, whole food, plant-based cooking,
Dr. Supatra Tovar: water, sports, and sunset walks with the love of her life. Rosie, welcome.
Rosie Aiello: Thank you and I wanna make sure people understand barre is not going to a bar. It’s B-A-R-R-E.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes, I should have said that too. Ballet barre not bar bar, not drinking bar.
Rosie Aiello: She enjoys going to the bar![00:02:00]
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Thank you for the clarification. Yes, absolutely. Well, Rosie, let’s start with your story. And I know it’s a difficult one, but what was the turning point that gave you the strength to escape a 25 year abusive relationship and rebuild your life?
Rosie Aiello: It’s a good question and I knew from a pretty early on in the marriage that something was. I wasn’t happy the way he was treating me, but it would take me 18 years I even knew I was in an abusive relationship. I we lived overseas in the Middle East and we would go to the United States to visit my family and, and his friends there too.
Rosie Aiello: Our friends. And one time I found a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. That book [00:03:00] literally saved my life. It was like reading my autobiography. She unfortunately, she just passed away this this past year, earlier in the year. And I just couldn’t believe it. It’s like now all the pieces, like I thought I was going crazy.
Rosie Aiello: You know, when you’re in these abusive relationships, you feel like you’re doing everything wrong. It’s, you’re not good enough. You’re just being put down sometimes physically, you know, I had it all. And at that time that I read the book, my daughter was 16 and I told her about it because I wanted to affirm to her that yeah, the way her father was treating her was not right. We grow up, we have to believe, oh, the father and the mother have to stick together to be able to, present a united front with their child. But I just felt it was not right. It was destroying her. Little did I know how much. So one day, years later, she [00:04:00] was so 16, so she was almost 20 and a half, close to 21, and I, she charged up the stairs one day.
Rosie Aiello: She was going to the American University of Beirut. We were in Lebanon then, well, she was born in Saudi Arabia, and then we moved to Lebanon and she says, mom, you gotta get me away from my abusive father. I’m going, what? What? Because I kind of forgot about that conversation with her, and I go, you. I can’t wait another year until you graduate?
Rosie Aiello: No, mom. And I thought later, well, of course, another year of poison. Right? Another year of poison. So as far as the turning point, I mean, I would’ve never in a million years leave without my daughter no matter what. And custody issues in the Middle East are very complicated, and I would’ve lost her or worse, right? I want, I was gonna wait until she was 18 no matter what, but she came to me and I said. You know, it took four months. I planned the escape, [00:05:00] but it. It transformed our lives. Right? It was, it took a lot of courage to do that, to plan something in internationally, somebody who works basically home 24 7.
Rosie Aiello: I had a live-in maid. It’s like, I don’t even know how I did it. I swear. It’s just like God was watching. That’s all I can say, because I had to hide and do this undercover for a long time, I was feeling the shame. I wanna state this because so many women had shame and the shame almost killed me, Supatra it was, I was so embarrassed, you know? I thought, oh this marriage has to work. You know, I have a family. I all the religious, we’re gonna maybe go into that later, but it was just this shame. I was just drown. I was just drowning in it and didn’t realize how devastating it’s I just kept it. So in 25 [00:06:00] years. Only three people knew in the United States, my brother and my two best friends. And then when I was planning the escape, I told two more friends in Lebanon because I needed their help. Five people were the only people who knew in 25 years. I kept it so much to myself.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Oh my goodness. That sounds harrowing. It sounds very scary. Can you, as much as you feel comfortable, give us a picture of what type of verbal abuse and possibly even physical abuse you might have endured?
Rosie Aiello: Sure. It’s not so hard now because I’ve healed from that. Right. So, but I appreciate you gently asking the question. I. It’s like, it’s how many different ways shall I tell you? There are so many ways to be abused, and I’m gonna go with
Dr. Supatra Tovar: I.
Rosie Aiello: I didn’t have it very much, but what goes in a woman’s mind. He, most of it was verbal, but there was financial, there was sexual there was physical [00:07:00] as well. physical part was maybe a couple of times, and it wasn’t until I got here in the United States and what he did one time, he squeezed my arms so hard that it bruised. I mean, you could see his fingerprints on my hand. So he never slapped me. Oh, I should make that be okay.
Rosie Aiello: Right? He didn’t slap me. You see the language that we can slip into, we make excuses. This is such a critical part. What women do is I did, I made excuses for all of his behavior. But I remember when we were first married, so I had left my family, my friends, my corporate career in Silicon Valley in finance, and I come over here and I’m sitting, he has me sit down and I swear he would lecture me for maybe anywhere from an hour to three hours pacing back and forth telling me why did you know? You’re just you’re, you don’t think of me. You’re rude. You’re you’re not nice to me. [00:08:00] You’re stupid. You Just like you don’t do anything right. You know, you shouldn’t have done this. You shouldn’t have done that. And it’s this like. I learned, again, I didn’t know this was a survival technique. I finally learned that if I spoke up, it was like adding fuel to the fire and then he would just scream even more. And I was just, I had never been treated like this in my life. I just was just like, oh my God. But I don’t have a support.
Rosie Aiello: I have nobody around me to support me, no one around me to hear. So that was an issue. He managed the money. So I’m gonna go into the financial abuse too, right? He managed the money. I would get so much, ’cause I bought the groceries, I did the grocery shopping. I did that, but nothing else. And because of my background, um, I managed, I worked in his company.
Rosie Aiello: He had a small little engineering company. I did anything that had to do with financial or numbers or whatever. I never got paid. I never got anything [00:09:00] until, I don’t know, maybe it was six years later, seven years later. I can’t remember now. Then he finally decided to pay me, but then he decided what to do with my check.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Oh no.
Rosie Aiello: So it was just like, and here I am. It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are, I have an MBA in finance, you know, so I could see it. And he, I would talk with, you know, when his financial planners came to the house or we went to the bank. I was there, I was talking, I was representing, I was helping him. And. But all it’s control. It’s more than narcissism. It’s the gaslighting. He would tell me things. I gotta tell you this story. If we have time, I’m sorry if I talk too much.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: No. Oh, I mean this, we, I think people will learn from this, and it’s important.
Rosie Aiello: So one time this story popped up in my mind. We went to, we were in Lebanon, so we went to a Christmas. [00:10:00] Concert, which wasn’t too far from our house, but we lived up in the mountains, so it was cold and it was in December. And we, he had parked the car kind of close to a wall, and my daughter, and he got in and he just had to pull out the car so I could get in. Well, he pulled out the car and then he just left. And my daughter is in the backseat now. I never sit in the backseat. I always sit in the front seat. My daughter is saying, mom is not here. Mom’s not here. He goes, oh, stop lying. Mom is here. You’re just fooling with me. Right. There’s a look on your face, like, how can it be you’re, it’s just like so out of whack
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Wow.
Rosie Aiello: And so like a mile down the road. You know? She’s, she would just scream, mom is not here and he comes back. Doesn’t even apologize.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: No, of course not.
Rosie Aiello: So, but do you now she’s observing this. She was, I don’t know, maybe nine or 10 observing this
Rosie Aiello: Her [00:11:00] mother.
Rosie Aiello: I mean, I have a lot of stories. You asked me how we were treated and it just, I became a shell of myself. I didn’t even know who I was. was all in survival mode the whole time.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Did he ever go through the kind of typical cycle of abuse where he had the honeymoon period and then.
Rosie Aiello: Yes.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: the abusive period. That’s what most people cling onto,
Rosie Aiello: Yes.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Anf that’s why most people stay in abusive marriages because they equate the actual person to the honeymoon person and not the abusive person.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Describe that a little for us.
Rosie Aiello: It’s like a, it was like a rollercoaster. So when he was good and great, it was wonderful, right? It was wonderful. And so then that’s where the excuses start to come in. Well, he isn’t bad all the time.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Exactly.
Rosie Aiello: He’s got all these wonderful, great qualities. It’s like, geez, you know what’s wrong with you, Rosie? [00:12:00] No one, no, no one’s perfect. You are not perfect. You know, myself, speaking of, you know, the way, so we start to use this dialogue to justify our relationship with this person who was treating us poorly, but not all the time. I tell, I don’t know if this is gonna be in video. Yeah. I don’t
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes.
Rosie Aiello: Okay. So I’m gonna do this. So I show women this thing. Yeah. I have them tell you, put your hands together.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Okay.
Rosie Aiello: One hand, one, one hand represents the good guy.
Rosie Aiello: Let’s say your left hand and the right hand is a good person. I go now. Now fold your fingers like this. Fold them down. So you’re almost like praying, but with the hands, clasped down and your fingers are pointed down. Now try to pull your hands apart. You can’t pull your hands apart.
Rosie Aiello: I go, if you wanna stay with that guy, you’re stuck with both sides. That side is always going to be there. It’s never gonna leave. The bad site is never going to leave. That’s who they are.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes. More so than the good person. Honestly, I think the good [00:13:00] person is a mask and it is a way to continue controlling the person, keeping them off balance and keeping them in the relationship.
Rosie Aiello: yes.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Well, gimme a picture of what role your inner voice and intuition played in helping you recognize you deserved a different kind of life?
Dr. Supatra Tovar: And I’m big on this, people listening and really tuning into their intuitive voice is very important in the work that I do.
Rosie Aiello: First of all, I wanna say you’re absolutely right. It is very important, I had none of it. I didn’t have an inner voice. I didn’t know what it was, so I would say it was weak to non-existent, which was a big problem. Right? I wasn’t, didn’t know the language. I didn’t, I just didn’t know it.
Rosie Aiello: Right? I remember before I got married, I remember feeling something in my gut, but I ignored it. I didn’t know that was part of it too, right? there were signs of my intuition, but I didn’t know [00:14:00] anything. And then because of how he was treating me, my outer voice was squelched. So it was like, I’m just this little mouse.
Rosie Aiello: I’m just this trying to survive. Now it’s integral to the work I do with my clients and the work that I did for myself to, to start really listening to that part because it is, you’re absolutely right. It is very important. But I just. I had nothing.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Did it come though? It had to have come when you decided to leave.
Rosie Aiello: So there was, you know, and I recognize this later I didn’t identify it, but at the time there was that little thin thread running through my brain Supatra that was saying, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this. And what I [00:15:00] did do which is when I was planning the escape, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but it’s gonna sound normal for people who are like me or how I was is like, I felt so guilty planning this escape. It didn’t matter he how he treated me or my daughter. The guilt, right? The guilt from everything around me that I created these mantras. Now, I didn’t know what a mantra was back then. I learned that word after I came back to the United States, started taking self development courses and taking coaching classes and all of that. But this is what I said to myself to keep me going. I must have said it a hundred times a day as I was planning this escape. I don’t deserve to be a, I don’t have to be a martyr. I don’t have to be a martyr. That was huge to overcome the thinking that you just stay in this marriage no matter how you’re treated. I realized that was important to me. [00:16:00] I don’t have to be a martyr. My daughter and I deserve a joyful relationship and a happy life. And I said those I just, thousands of time. By the time I did it, it was, it kept me going.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yep. Mantras are one of my favorite therapeutic tools to use with my clients because not only are they meditative and they helped to calm your nervous system, but they help recondition old patterns of thinking into something that is much more healthy for you. I think that is beautiful. So you’ve described this journey as going from trauma to triumph, and I can see it already.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Gimme a picture of the first steps towards healing. What did that look like for you once you did escape?
Rosie Aiello: When we landed the first week we went to a retreat, you know, and zoned out, you know.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes.
Rosie Aiello: But then almost [00:17:00] immediately we got help. We both went to trauma therapists. It just, I’m a big believer in you cannot do this work alone. You need support. Whether I wasn’t in a group, it wasn’t really accessible to me, but I was, had the private therapist and that was the beginning, then I was of the belief that I was open to trying anything that I didn’t think would hurt me. You know, I wasn’t into drugs or, alcohol or
Dr. Supatra Tovar: You didn’t go to the bar?
Rosie Aiello: No. Yeah. And what’s, I just I tried hypnotherapy past life, reggressions, trying to understand myself. There was a whole, I read a ton of books. I’m not a therapist and nowhere near the level of you are, but I have read so much that I probably could be a quasi one, you know what I mean? Because I wanted to [00:18:00] understand why you wanna validate. Part of it too was like, how did I get into this? Right, but it’s a long story for that. But those were the first things was just taking care of myself and when we landed, it was in the beginning or the middle of the great recession. So things were just wild and crazy then too, somebody who had been out of the market.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: But it does sound like you took, I think the most important step, and this is what I recommend to anyone who’s experiencing this kind of psychological distress, this trauma, is that, that, you know, find yourself a good therapist, somebody. The most important thing honestly, for people is that you connect with your therapist.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: That’s the most important therapeutic outcome. Like they’ve shown that it doesn’t matter what the therapist practices, as long as you have a connection with your therapist and you feel safe with your therapist and then to process through [00:19:00] trauma because it is significant, especially when you’ve experienced abuse.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Now tell us about National Love Is Kind Day. I love that. You co-founded this with your daughter, Sunny, and it has such a powerful message. What inspired the creation of that day and what impact have you seen from it?
Rosie Aiello: this was, we were working on our website, on our business, and our coach said, oh, you know, you can have a day, you know, the San Diego can have recognized Love is Kind Day. I go, oh, okay. So, I gave that assignment to my daughter and for the city? No way. She went national, you know, so she, so we created National Love Is Kind Day, and it’s, the date is July 27th and that is the date we landed in San Francisco International Airport. So for us, thank you. It represented our physical freedom and it [00:20:00] represents the, you know, women’s physical freedom from abuse. It represents that the. Our mission, which you had said before, which is of inspiring and impacting a hundred million women and their children to release the shackles of abuse, to know that they deserve to be treated with kindness, that they can create a productive and joyful life. And if they so desire to find a kind love of their life. And this has just been. People love the mission. People
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Love it.
Rosie Aiello: know how challenging. It is. It’s so sad and yet it’s inspiring, right, that we have to do this. It means so much to us. I wanted, it started out being very selfish. It’s like I wanted to be treated with kindness.
Rosie Aiello: I didn’t. I wasn’t no, no respect, nothing. And it’s just like, I just was [00:21:00] please, I want kindness. Part of the title too was inspired by Mother Teresa. This is not an exact quote, but this is the essence of what she has shared was if you invite me to an anti-war rally, I will not go there. If you invite me for a pro peace to a peace rally, I will be there. I wanted something to show what is it that we want to go forward to move forward into something, not against what we don’t want. I didn’t call it the How to Get Out of Your Toxic Relationship thing. You know, maybe that would’ve gotten more hits from people because they’re looking for that, Negative energy begets negative energy. I, it’s as I even say that, my stomach feels upset.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Oh my gosh. I agree . Well gimme you use a phrase called Kind Love as the core theme for your work. How do you define Kind Love, and why is it [00:22:00] so transformative for women coming out of these abusive relationships?
Rosie Aiello: I love this because it’s, I’m all about the Kind Love, because when you’ve been in a toxic relationship, love is, it becomes manipulative and it can have, it can be a trigger. Oh I did this, you know, as he’s squeezing my arm and putting purple finger marks on it. I did this because I love you.
Rosie Aiello: You know, I had to control you ’cause you were outta control. And it’s too triggering for women. Kind love, real love is. Kind love is using kindness, mutual respect, understanding each other, being open, being compassionate, being empathetic. And it’s a dialogue. It’s. He would say, oh, you’re not a good partner. Well, I realize I’m not a good [00:23:00] partner because he was just for him, he was the team captain and I was just the pawn.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yeah.
Rosie Aiello: If I didn’t do exactly what he said, then I wasn’t a team player.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes,
Rosie Aiello: I’m with the love of my life and we are true team players, right?
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Exactly. And I love the use of Kind over nice because nice.
Rosie Aiello: it’s yes.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: it connotes people pleasing and going against what you might innately feel. And I think kindness just has those core values of empathy and compassion,
Rosie Aiello: Yes.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: and love rooted in that actual word. So. How did you reclaim your confidence after abuse?
Dr. Supatra Tovar: I think this is something that women struggle with a lot. And what strategies would you give to women coming out of abusive relationships to regain it?
Rosie Aiello: Obviously we don’t have the next 10 hours right to go through this. I did the work [00:24:00] Supatra, you know, women’s. Some women will just like, oh, they’re out. And then they go into another relationship,
Rosie Aiello: Not me. I was very clear. I didn’t, I could, I didn’t trust a single man when I landed. I didn’t wanna look at them, I didn’t wanna hear them, nothing. And as I was taking these baby steps of who was I? And I remember hearing, oh, you have to be your authentic self. Again, part of the lingo of being an entrepreneur, I go, what does that mean? I didn’t even know what that meant. Or what about you are you have to learn how to speak.
Rosie Aiello: You have to learn all this. So I was like, in another foreign world, learning all of these words that were new to me, right?
Rosie Aiello: It was new to me, and oh, I know the big one was, oh, you have to take Responsib. You know you’re responsible. That was a, it was like, you’re responsible. I go, I was responsible for him abusing me? So I [00:25:00] had to work on that. And until I learned, oh, I’m not responsible for what he did, but I’m responsible for how I’m gonna live my life,
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes.
Rosie Aiello: I’m responsible for the decisions to go forward. Okay, who do I wanna be? Well. I wanna be somebody who can show up fully that I can say, this is right, this is okay with me, and it’s not okay. I am done with people pleasing, right? These are all the core things that I teach my, my, my clients. Setting healthy boundaries, oh my gosh. And the fear of people having to set boundaries and all of this is the basis of knowing my values. I think. I had values, I grew up with ’em. I think, you know, it was like picking up values, like picking up shells from the seashore.
Rosie Aiello: I didn’t, I never evaluated them.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yes.
Rosie Aiello: What did they mean to me? You cannot set healthy boundaries unless you know what your values are. You just can’t.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Yeah. [00:26:00] And I think it’s really important too that people understand that people pleasing is a trauma response.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: It is also something that can women are conditioned into from a very young age. We’re, you know, conditioned to put everyone else before ourselves. And then if you are an abusive relationship,
Dr. Supatra Tovar: you do that because you’re trying to create a safe environment, and that’s just you trying to protect yourself. So I think it’s so important that women don’t beat themselves up for the people pleasing that they’ve done in their lives. You had to in order to create safety. But when you create these boundaries like you’re talking about, and you realize that every person on Earth inherently because they were born have worth.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Every person. Every person is worthy, worthwhile. You are as well. You can start to rebuild that confidence and I think that is so beautiful. But we’re out of time for this [00:27:00] half of this podcast and I cannot wait to delve into more of our questions because Rosie, you are inspirational to people and I’m really hoping that this gets out there to anybody who might be struggling in an abusive relationship.
Dr. Supatra Tovar: Just know that there is help out there and all you have to do is reach out just like Rosie did. So thank you Rosie, for joining us for this first half, and tune in next time for the second half of this wonderful interview with Women’s Life and Transformation coach, international speaker and bestselling author Rosie Aiello .
Rosie Aiello: Thank you.
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